Sacrificing freedom, comfort, and pride…
Lately, I have been looking at the way I play in a little different light. There are three things I enjoy “taking away” from a man:
1. Freedom
2. Comfort
3. Pride
Taking away freedom means I remove his ability to move, or restrict one or more of his senses. Perhaps not let him see, or not let him speak. Definitely, don’t let him move – at all. Bondage, restraint, gagging, blindfolding. Basically rendering him helpless. This is probably my oldest and favorite kink, and rarely does any of my other play happen without some element of this combined. Nothing excites me more than making a man totally helpless, and at my complete mercy.
Taking away comfort means basically inflicting pain. Various levels of pain, of course – I am not a hardcore sadist. The level of pain I inflict is directly related to the level of pain it takes for him to be *uncomfortable*. In other words, I don’t heavily flog someone who flinches in massive pain from a nice solid bite to the collarbone or inner thigh. Different types of pain work on different men..and I find out which and how much is just the right amount to make him feel it, and feel what I am doing to him.
Taking away pride means making him feel helpless, vulnerable, weak, or scared. Basically – humiliation. Again, different levels of humiliation affect men differently. Some don’t need much to make them feel terribly uneasy – making him drink from a dog bowl, wear a leash, etc. Others need a lot more prodding to feel like their ego is being bent a little – being dressed up in female clothes, being shown to my friends, having to kneel in public, etc. I get my satisfaction knowing his pride is bent, but not broken, and he is shaking with fear and uneasiness at what he has become for me.
Now, in looking at these three things, I have learned that some men can tolerate some of the three better than the others. It intrigues me to no end how the submissive and nonsubmissive (i.e. “unknowing victim”) views each of these things. In the middle of a scene, I often give my victim a choice of his next torment – which is worse, having one of your senses taken away, or being put into pain? Would you rather have your pride walked on, or be made totally helpless? Is pain worth saving your ego?
These are exciting little scenarios for me to watch, to wish I was inside his head as he weighed the value of his pride against the sensations of pain or vice versa.
I’d be interested to hear from submissives their thoughts on these three torments. Which is the worst? Which makes you feel most helpless and why? When they are combined, is the torture increased even more? Do one of the three not affect you at all?
To be fair, I’ll go into a little more about the three, and what it does to me. And of course, I’d love to hear from other femdoms which of these push their buttons most, and if any of them do nothing for them.
In the largest sense, the willing sacrifice of any of the three above is the first on my kink list. Basically, knowing that he is submitting to something he does not enjoy, just to get me hot or excited, is what really makes the whole scene for me. Everything after that is just cake – but I get a great deal of pleasure out of pushing him within those boundaries, and making sure that sacrifice is really a sacrifice.
Within the scene, I get a huge rush from seeing how he reacts and deals with my inflictions of these torments and seeing how he reacts to my obvious enjoyment of these tortures. Yes, I enjoy it very much. Nothing thrills me more.
Freedom, of course, is my biggest kink in a kink. Taking away his ability to move, speak, see, or communicate in any way. Seeing how he reacts to the bonds being tightened, or the gag being forced into his mouth. Seeing how he deals with the reality that here I am, this otherwise very caring and sweet woman, enjoying immensely how helpless he is becoming, how soon he will be totally at my mercy.
In addition, I think men just look *good* in bondage. Restraint is sexy. It might have to do with how much I love to watch struggling. Especially futile struggling. I love being able to sit back and give a sinister chuckle, saying “resistance is useless”.
And then there’s pain. Taking away his ability to sit comfortably. Making him endure things that his body screams out to him NOT to take anymore. Mostly, I think I love the physical reactions to the infliction of pain – the squirming, pleading eyes, whimpering. The way he twists helplessly in his bonds, trying instinctively to get away. But it is all in vain. How sweet! The battle going on in his head – why is he taking this, oh how much it hurts, and look at how she smiles when she does it! How could she enjoy hurting me so much??
Of course, the most tragic and tantalizing of all – the precious male ego. I think, and this is speculation, that sacrificing pride is among the most difficult things for a man to do, even for a woman he cares deeply for. Everything in his upbringing tells him not to. That’s what makes this gift so special. I have seen men opt for ten times worse levels of pain just to avoid having to crawl across the floor and lick my boots. I have seen men terrified of slipping on a pair of panties for fear of what he might feel.
Perhaps that is why this type of submission is so sweet. Once he gets there, he is so vulnerable. Like a little boy. It’s like the hard exterior has been broken down, and what is left is a shaking, terrified little boy. I’ve torn apart his skin and am playing delicately with his most precious parts, and he’s shaking, quivering, and accepting it. Terrified but needing me more than ever.
There is so much more, though. One of the reasons I have a hard time writing articles like this is that I feel like I am trying to write cliff notes on something that deserves novels. These are only three, of course, of the main categories of the play I see myself going back to again and again. I welcome feedback of any kind.
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