The irony in this is that I don't want a man to beg me for this. The more he wants it, the more he lays out to me what his needs and desires are, the more he has pigeonholed his little fantasy -- the less I desire doing it.
My ideal submissive…and why I do the things I do
In my absence from the net, I had time to re-evaluate once again what it is I desire in a dominant-submissive relationship. I was once again back among the vanillas, scraping up my scarce free time to do some preying on innocent victims, cultivating both new and old relationships.
The irony of my desires once again is profound to me.
I desire to see a man suffer. I get great pleasure out of seeing a man in a situation he does not want to be in, in a place that scares him, feeling things that do not please him. I want to be the one to put him there.
But I want it to be by his choice. Yes, some persuasion might be needed, some guiding, some reassurance. His fears might need to be distracted a little bit by things like eagerness to show pride, the desire to please and the pleasure of seeing a woman he desires in such a state of erotic bliss.
The irony in this is that I don’t want a man to beg me for this. The more he wants it, the more he lays out to me what his needs and desires are, the more he has pigeonholed his little fantasy — the less I desire doing it.
Meaning — the more “submissive” a man is, the less I want to dominate him.
Don’t get me wrong. Some of my best partners have been hardcore submissive men — meaning they definitely knew they were subs and they definitely got involved with me to investigate those feelings. But they did not put their agenda above mine, and they did not wallow in their cock or erection during our play. Very important.
It seems so obviously backward to me — the way many sub men think. Or is it that they seek out a type of domination different from my style? They come to me saying I am everything they have wanted, yet they are disappointed when I inform them that I will not follow their agenda or fulfill their desires.
And the protests I have received when I have stated this before — even as much as a few years ago — on this newsgroup. “Female domination is about both people enjoying themselves!” and “Being a domme does not mean being totally selfish!” and “Submissive men have needs too — to ignore those needs is unfair”.
And to that I say — again — I disagree. At first, I thought I might be wrong. Maybe they are right. Maybe I am just too selfish. Maybe I need to cater more to the needs of my partner.
But you know what? This is how I am. To me, female domination is about the beast inside of me that wants submission, wants to be pleased, and wants to see what a man can sacrifice for my pleasure. And sacrifice means just that. And for me, dominance is one part of a full relationship where his needs are catered to just as much as mine are. Only when the time is mine, it is truly “mine”.
The extreme version of what I am lobbying against in this post is the submissive attitude, “I love to be forced to do the things I want to do anyway.”
Any woman can do that. I don’t want to force a man to do the things he wants to be done. I want to bend him until he does the things that scare him, hurt him, and make him helpless. And I want to reward him for that, and take care of him afterward, and cry because he did it for me. I want to be impressed and awed at what he takes for me. I want to be so turned on by his bravery and how damned hot he looks in those ropes that I can barely finish what I am doing because I want him so bad.
For submissive men that dream night after night for a dominant woman, a dream for a change about the woman that makes you do things you don’t care to do. And this doesn’t mean the things you *like* to be “forced” to do, this means things that you really aren’t affected by one way or another, or things that truly intimidate and scare you. Not about the things that make your dick hard.
There is a completely priceless, undefinable place that is reached when two people are locked together in this kind of a moment. It has nothing to do with the leather, the latex, the high heels or the penis gag. It has to do with the communication and the passion between them, and the sacrifice of the pleasure and desires of one person for another. For many years when I played, my play was simply taking over and spoiling myself with my own evil desires for a short time, and enjoying everything about my partner on my own terms.
And this was my time. He had his time, we had our time. But this was my time to do what I wanted, and to play the game the way I wanted to play it. When I go into this space, I don’t do it for us, I do it for me. The purer his devotion and sacrifice for me, the more I treasure the experience, and the more intense the feelings.
Everything I know about him and his desires is there with me, and I have that choice to please or terrify him. And that choice should be mine. To me, that’s what dominance is about.
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