The beauty in it for me is that I can bring him to this level of sacrifice, and I can push him to places that terrify and arouse him at the same time. I can be supportive, I can be seductive, I can be teasing, I can be sadistic. They are all different shades of the game, and I love playing them all, just as long as the goal is met: to take the gift from him, the gift he gives for me, not for him.
I have a hard time finding the word that describes what *type* of femdom I am. The word that keeps coming back to me is “pure”. And I don’t mean pure to mean “real” or to imply that others are less of anything. And I don’t mean pure to mean 24/7, or to the core dominant. None of these are close to the truth.
The reason I call it “pure” is because I do it selfishly, for my own enjoyment, and so much so that any wavering from this equation ruins the beauty of the play for me. I cannot enjoy playing with a self-indulgent partner, or being a fetish-delivery service for someone.
Yes, I know, I know, there is nothing wrong with both people enjoying the play. I have heard good arguments again and again from accomplished dominants explaining to me that there is nothing wrong with finding a partner whose submission needs match my dominant needs, and everyone will be happy.
But I have a problem with “submission needs”. Needs imply that something must be given in return. I won’t lie; I don’t like that. It bothers me.
My dominance is pure. I don’t do it with strings attached or with the promise of giving something back in return. I do it because it is a very deep, intense desire of mine too, for a period of time, act relentlessly and selfishly on my own desires. And this requires the total sacrifice of my partner to put all of his needs, desires and wants aside. To give himself over to me without expecting something in return.
But here is the catch. He inevitably *will* get something in return. It’s just the way I am wired. I am a caring, loving and affectionate woman. I am sexual and erotic and insatiable. I have an appetite for play and a twisted sense of imagination. You’d better believe if I have an idea of what his hot buttons are, he is in for a ride. Because doing this thrills me. But doing it on *my* terms, and not because he expects it or requires it. No way. I stay far away from those kinds of obligations.
I’ve never played with a partner and had him walk away feeling abused, unloved, or unfulfilled. But you can believe I have stopped playing or avoided playing with partners that clearly hint or make it know that they *expect* a return on their “submission investment”. Simply put, it destroys the mood for me. Instantly.
It’s sort of ironic, I suppose, because even the most selfish guy can just keep his mouth shut and ride it out and figure he’ll get something out of it if the submission isn’t enough. But you know what? I don’t think I’ve ever played with someone like that. Maybe I can sense it, or maybe it’s just too hard to hide.
I think one of the real chemistry triggers for me is the sense that a man is really willing to do it for me, *for me*. Maybe it’s dominant intuition. I can see it in his eyes, and I can sense in his body language. That he is really giving himself over to me, that the submission is pure. For me. That my pleasure is his goal, and that even in *seeking* that pleasure, it is not a self-indulgent quest. Because we all know that orally servicing a woman for hours is not a sacrifice, for the most part. That massaging, and worshipping, and kissing a woman is not hell to endure. These things are nice, sprinkled in and about. But what gets me is the sacrifice.
And sacrifice means no self-indulgence. Sacrifice is the mindset that “this is not enjoyable, this is scary, this is painful, this hurts my pride, but I care deeply for her, and she needs this. I want to please her.”. It’s giving over his skin as a canvas or his soul for the taking. Not for him, but for me. Does anyone else but me see this sacrifice as something so far beyond sex or love? It’s an exchange that cannot be expressed with words.
The beauty of it for me is that I can bring him to this level of sacrifice, and I can push him to places that terrify and arouse him at the same time. I can be supportive, I can be seductive, I can be teasing, I can be sadistic. They are all different shades of the game, and I love playing them all, just as long as the goal is met: to take the gift from him, the gift he gives for me, not for him.
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