There is nothing more painful than a submissive that is an absolute bore. And there are a lot of them. Often the nicest guys, the most refined gentlemen. Attractive, fit. Even charming. Yet, there’s just nothing there. Personality? Some of these men have an “un-personality”.
Maybe they think it is attractive to be a blank slate – a mold of clay ready to be – well, molded – by me or another lucky femdom to come across him.
I have news for you. A mold of clay is just what it sounds like. A lifeless, colorless blob of ooze that sits in front of you like a turd on a plate waiting to be magically transformed into something useful.
There’s a chronic problem with submissives who are hoping to attract a delightfully sadistic woman. I can break it down into a couple of common issues I see, and I often lament about it with my kinky girlfriends. These issues can happen both online and in real life, and in both cases it isn’t pretty. Here are two of the biggest offenders.
Sub men are way too passive
Somewhere along the way, either thanks to porn or too much fantasy life, submissive men were led to believe that being submissive means being passive. That when in the presence of a dominant woman – either online or in person – they should politely allow the woman to call the shots, dictate the flow, and make all the moves.
This works out great if you are handsome, brooding, mysterious and irresistible, and all eyes are on you the moment you enter a room. Sadly, this isn’t the case for most men, and they must rely on their personality and charm to garner the interest of a dominant woman.
This has a lot of submissive men fully flummoxed. How on earth can a man pursue a dominant woman? That’s blasphemous. What if she gets offended? What if she thinks he is harassing her? Doesn’t she want to call the shots?
No matter how many times we femdoms tell submissives, they never quite get it. We enjoy making a man submit to us, or make him into our submissive. That does not mean we are attracted to submissiveness from total strangers. We are attracted to men across the spectrum when it comes to their personality types: Gregarious, extroverted, introverted, your ISTJs, INFJs,ISFPs. Your diplomats, architects, explorers, advocates, virtuosos, logisticians (yes, these are all considered personality types). There is no personality type listed as “turd on a plate.” You have to actually engage with a woman to show her your personality. If things click, then you are well on your way to being trussed up and gagged. If that’s her kink.
Sub men expect a femdom to take charge. Immediately. Like yesterday.
There have been so many times – online, especially – where a potential submissive play partner or boytoy showed great promise, only to fall into the horrifically predictable Q&A slump. Or, more accurately, the “A” slump.
What does that mean? It means that in the course of two or three exchanges, all it boils down to is me asking questions and him giving answers. There were times that I let it keep going, just curious how long it would take, before the man asked me anything. ANYTHING at all. Well, outside of what size my strap on was, or if I thought forced cum-eating was critical to long-term relationship success.
These men would send fantastic emails, we would have long and dynamic interactions, so long as I was asking all the questions, the follow up questions, and commenting on his answers. What the hell is up with that? No questions, unless they were kink-related? Nothing about my passions or interests, my views on current events, my hopes and fears? Nope. If it wasn’t related to smut, he wasn’t interested. He was happy to answer any and all questions directed at him.
Hell, he would even send me a FOLLOW UP email, asking why I did not reply in a day or so, because his previous reply was so thorough. Yeah, thorough talking about himself and only himself. No matter how blatant it would be, most men just would not get it. When it finally became time to end the exchange due to lack of chemistry or interest on my part, these men would be baffled, they thought it was going so well!
Sure, it was going great for them. They were getting tons of attention, felt as though they were being pursued, yet did not know one thing about me. Nothing. Zero. When pressed on this, many did not have a decent answer as to why they never even asked a question. Sometimes they said it was because questioning me would be “Impolite” (huh? Asking about favorite movies is – invasive?).
Talk about boring. There is nothing more boring that a correspondence that goes this route. Hey, I am all for interrogations, don’t get me wrong. Some of my best “get to know you” moments had a man on the other end strapped to a chair with my fist around his balls. But that’s after initial chemistry was in place.
My belief is that sub men don’t ask questions during courtship because they are already in the fantasy. They already know everything they need to know about her, after all, he has known her for years (in his mind). The fantasy is that she is in charge. She is calling the shots.
Or, the sad reality, they honestly don’t care. Maybe they think they do, but they don’t. When I am pursuing someone and have butterflies, I cannot wait to ask more questions and learn about them, and about what makes them tick. These submissive men that claim to be putting their best foot forward online as they seek potential partners are actually still in fantasyland. In the real world, it just doesn’t work that way.
If you’ve been guilty of any of these things, as a sub, stop and think about how interesting you would be to a woman. Are you a fascinating onion to be peeled, or a turd on a plate?
– M. Akasha
